Page 21 - PR Mag Nov19

Dear Alice

Stuck in thePast

Dear Alice
My friend Grace has been suffering with depression on and off for the past few years. I absolutely love her
to death but sometimes I feel like she doesn’t really want to get better. She knows all the things that she
should be doing for good mental health but she is still so stuck in the past. She had a rough upbringing and
I am compassionate towards that but I just hope for her sake that she can move on and live her best life. It
has become quite difficult to support her lately and I don’t know what else I can do to help her get over her
past issues. Any suggestions?
Kelsey
Hey Kelsey! I think everyone can sympathise with this situation. Good mental health is not a linear journey. There are ups and downs and
merry-go-rounds. Everyone has their own ways of coping throughout life and sometimes we don’t always choose the best approach;
despite knowing better. A common thread that carries through many different healing journeys is an attachment to the trauma story. In
a situation where someone has experienced hardship over a sustained amount of time, the narrative that they had to create in order to
protect themselves becomes apart of their identity. People can define themselves by what they have experienced. It can be really hard
to let go of that narrative and it is not an overnight process. A part of being an individual with autonomy is having the right to define
yourself in whichever way you please, (without hurting or harming others). Our stories are like goat tracks up the side of a mountain;
they are hardwired in our brain and are the quickest route for stimulus to be interpreted. Whilst it is possible to let go of your old story
and create a new one, it can be really difficult. It is like our brains become addicted to re-telling the same old story. It’s laborious to create
a new track. In order to move on and create a new story, identity and future you have to build yourself up to become that person. One
cannot simply wish it were true, you have to put in the hard yards. Sometimes people can be so stuck in their situation that they cannot
see any other possible reality. In those times the best thing to do is to become open, curious and try lots of new hobbies, sports, foods or
friends. Through exploration you can find out what you really want in life. Building up a new life should be fun and rewarding, it needs to
entice you so much that you let go of your old ways and change your life’s trajectory. Only through growth and change will you be able
to identify with something new and create a new narrative that defines you. I understand that it can be hard to support people through
their journeys at times but perhaps you could try to help your friend to explore the wonders of life and provide her with the opportunity
to experience new things and live in a new way. There is always hope, just waiting to be beholden. Just don’t forget to look after yourself;
as you are only responsible for your own journey.

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