Page 20 - PR Mag July19

Dear Alice

ALL take, NO give

Dear Alice,

I am a highly empathetic person and I find myself getting really drained. I tend to feel other’s pain and
try my best to help people. I like being there for others but I have found that I lose myself in their journey.
Generally speaking, I put others needs before my own and try to make everyone happy. Sometimes I get
down because my friends and family don’t do the same for me, they just take, take, take. How can I be a
nice person without becoming emotionally fatigued?

Gabrielle

Hi Gabrielle,
Thanks for writing in! A lot of emotionally intelligent people struggle with this exact issue. There’s a lot of pop psychology online
about the difference between someone that is empathetic and someone that is codependent. The major difference is that an
empath can feel someone’s pain but does not take it on as their own. Conceptualise empathy and codependency as a spectrum,
at one end you have someone that cares about others but puts their own needs first and on the other end you have someone that
lives their lives in a reactive way to the emotional states of other people. There’s a fine line between living for yourself and living for
others. You can have strong boundaries and be a nice person. When you go along with whatever someone else wants, just to make
them happy, you are actually denying them the real you. When you consistently pander to the needs of others, you lose who you
really are. Why don’t you try to impose a 24 hour rule; before you commit to something, say thank you for the offer, but you need Calling all Wedding Suppliers
to check your diary or check with your family for conflicting commitments. This will give you time to reflect, and an opportunity to
opt out if it does not serve your greater good. Then if you cannot accept the invitation, you can simply say that you have conflicting
commitments but wish them well. Another point that I would like to make is that of communicating your needs, not everyone is
going to be as in tune with others needs as you are. It is your responsibility as an adult to ask for what you need. Tell your friends Moreton
and family that you need them to sit with you through your pain. Asking for what you want is hard but it’s the only way other people Get involved in the upcoming Weddings
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